I posted the following on October 1st on Facebook, with many encouraging comments from family and friends in response:

“I am so tired of watching what I eat, knowing the calorie count for everything, not being able to eat what I want or how much. I am tired of following the rules, the exercise, the running on the treadmills, which I am terrified of and almost have an anxiety attack every time I get on one, for a slow, slow, slow weight loss. Then have a bad couple weeks or a bad month and all of a sudden I’m 8 pounds heavier. I’m tired of feeling guilty about eating yummy things. I’m sick of getting on the scale everyday. I’m tired of it all. I’m sick of this country being OBSESSED with weight and physical appearance. “She’s too skinny or she’s too fat.” Whatever! I can’t stand it anymore. Screw this, screw being a woman, screw this screwed up view of life. It doesn’t matter anyhow. I’m fat, I always have been fat and I don’t see any end in sight. My genetic makeup didn’t roll the dice for a small bone structure or a flat stomach. I want to be happy about myself, I don’t want to fret over it anymore. So I’m done son! F it!”

After having this breakdown I decided to start the ever popular 365 project, photographing yourself everyday for a year. Mostly as a form of therapy to help me cope with some of my body image issues. I had previously done a similar project from August 2008 through December 2010 which I dubbed A Photo a Day. It sometimes included self portraits, but was really about trying to take the best photo I could, at least one everyday. So here I go starting this massive endeavor to cope with my expanding waistline and growing number on the scale and trying to say it’s ok, whatever.