Tag Archive: fat

Three hundred and twenty

The photo on the left is from Thanksgiving 2011, a previous 365 photo. The photo on the right is from Fall of 2012. As you can see I lost some weight. The 2011 photo was about a year after I had my second child. Weight is always a struggle; however, I now know that being healthy is way more important that being thin. Even on days when I think I am still too over weight, all I need to do is see how far I’ve come. I am about 50 lbs. lighter than my heaviest weight, over 10 years ago. Progress!


“Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork.” ~English Proverb



Since my son was born 7 years ago I had been taking an active step to change my eating habits and exercise more. I lost about 50 lbs. all together from that initial weight. With a few steps back, but always moving forward. Since my husband has been in the Army for almost 3 years now, it has become an obsession for us both. Apparently we both have terrible metabolisms, because no matter how hard we try we never get very far. Then we get discouraged and fall back into bad habits. Last October I lost it. I was fretting over it too much, it had become a completely negative thing. I gave up. So, of course I put weight back on and now I’m upset about that too. This was New Year’s Day. I was fed up with the “healthy” life and pissed about gaining weight. There is no happy medium in my life with that, I guess there might never be.

For this shot I set up my new studio light and tripod. It took some time and felt nice to take more than a few minutes to take a shot. I’m happy with this photo. I don’t look as bad as I do in my mind, which is a good thing. Still struggling with giving a damn and not.

“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”  ~Oscar Wilde


I hate my stomach. It has been rather large for all of my life. I have never completely been rid of it. Now after two children, years of bad eating habits and a loathing of sit-ups, it really bothers me. So on day three I decided to tackle this beast and take some photos of it. I wanted to create a sort of abstract body scape that I had seen many times before usually of hard bodied, thin, hot women.  So here it is, stretch marks and pudge galore. I do think the photo came out nice, it is rather lovely, but it didn’t make me like my belly any more that I did before. Below are two of the rejects that didn’t make the cut.

“Some people have a foolish way of not minding, or pretending not to mind, what they eat.  For my part, I mind my belly very studiously, and very carefully; for I look upon it, that he who does not mind his belly will hardly mind anything else.”  ~Samuel Johnson

I posted the following on October 1st on Facebook, with many encouraging comments from family and friends in response:

“I am so tired of watching what I eat, knowing the calorie count for everything, not being able to eat what I want or how much. I am tired of following the rules, the exercise, the running on the treadmills, which I am terrified of and almost have an anxiety attack every time I get on one, for a slow, slow, slow weight loss. Then have a bad couple weeks or a bad month and all of a sudden I’m 8 pounds heavier. I’m tired of feeling guilty about eating yummy things. I’m sick of getting on the scale everyday. I’m tired of it all. I’m sick of this country being OBSESSED with weight and physical appearance. “She’s too skinny or she’s too fat.” Whatever! I can’t stand it anymore. Screw this, screw being a woman, screw this screwed up view of life. It doesn’t matter anyhow. I’m fat, I always have been fat and I don’t see any end in sight. My genetic makeup didn’t roll the dice for a small bone structure or a flat stomach. I want to be happy about myself, I don’t want to fret over it anymore. So I’m done son! F it!”

After having this breakdown I decided to start the ever popular 365 project, photographing yourself everyday for a year. Mostly as a form of therapy to help me cope with some of my body image issues. I had previously done a similar project from August 2008 through December 2010 which I dubbed A Photo a Day. It sometimes included self portraits, but was really about trying to take the best photo I could, at least one everyday. So here I go starting this massive endeavor to cope with my expanding waistline and growing number on the scale and trying to say it’s ok, whatever.