Tag Archive: weight

Three hundred and twenty

The photo on the left is from Thanksgiving 2011, a previous 365 photo. The photo on the right is from Fall of 2012. As you can see I lost some weight. The 2011 photo was about a year after I had my second child. Weight is always a struggle; however, I now know that being healthy is way more important that being thin. Even on days when I think I am still too over weight, all I need to do is see how far I’ve come. I am about 50 lbs. lighter than my heaviest weight, over 10 years ago. Progress!


“Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork.” ~English Proverb


Two totally random and unrelated photos right next to each other? Why not put them in a blog together. What the heck? I think I must have been at my lowest weight ever when I took 315. My jaw has never looked like that and has never again, sadly. This photo was taken in my old studio, shortly before we were being evicted. They closed the building to renovate it and everyone lost their spaces. No matter, it was time to move on. It’s a pretty craptacular photo, but it records one of the last times I was there. 316, on the other hand, I really like that one. Not sure what made me pose like that. I used an app on my phone to add the effects. I had been listening to Jerry Cantrell religiously and that lyric seemed to fit nicely. I really do feel that way. Like my body isn’t quite capable of all the amazing things my mind, heart and soul are screaming at me to do.


“A great artist is always before his time or behind it.” ~George Moore


“Got a caterpillar body and a butterfly brain” ~ Jerry Cantrell

Two hundred and thirty seven

Nothing says Autumn like jeans, a long sleeve shirt, trees changing colors, Fall wreaths and some weird lady taking photos of her reflection in the glass storm door. Love this shot. I have been on a weight loss journey since 2005. I have hit some of my goals and still haven’t gotten to the main original one. I have gone up and down, lost my way and found it again countless times. At this point in time and again today I am happy with myself. Do I still have a fat rolling stomach? Yep. Am I still “obese” according to doctors? Sure am. Do I give two sh*ts? Nope. I know I have worked hard and continue to work hard. One day I will hit my personal goal, not some unrealistic goal set by a society obsessed with body image. Wow I just went on a rant, anyhoo, I like this photo mainly because I like the way I look in it. I can be proud. Plus it does capture a glorious October day in Suffolk, VA while visiting my in-laws.


“Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter.” ~Carol Bishop Hipps

Weight Loss and All that Jazz

I have been over-weight my whole life. When I was about 13 I did something about it and lost quite a bit, not sure how much I never really weighed myself back then. I do know when I was 14  I was the lowest weight I have ever been, but by most people’s standards, especially doctors, I was probably still “obese.” Anyhoo, after that over the course of 6 years, or by 2002, I gained about 65 lbs. After I had my first child in 2005, I made some major life changes. By October 2008 I had lost over 40 lbs. Then on October 29, 2008 by husband lost his job, and on November 1, 2008 by brother died in a car accident. Food is my comfort, like many people. In 1 month I put on 20 lbs! I was so disgusted with myself. By January of 2009 I started doing something about it. I started to change my eating again and working out even more. That summer was my best, I went to the gym every other day. By November 2009 I had lost that 20 lbs plus almost 10 more! Meanwhile my husband had joined the Army and when we moved to Fort Hood, Texas in December 2009 the food was a celebration. A celebration because we hadn’t been together since May. So 10 more lbs came back. In June of 2010 my husband left for Iraq for a year. Half way through his deployment I had our second child and after that I started working hard again. I wanted to look good for him when came back and work as hard as he was. I got down to my lowest adult weight! Then he came home and the celebration food was on again, 10 lbs, hello again. Then in October 2011 I gave up, I had become too obsessed and it was making me depressed. Shortly after that is when I started my 365 project and this blog. So as of right now I have gained about 15 lbs since my husband came home last June. I am still about 35 lbs. less than my heaviest weight, but about 30 lbs. up from my lowest at 14. Today I started using this great calorie count site that I used back in 2009. I want to get back on track, but not sure how well I’m going to do. I know that site helped so much and I’m willing to use it again. One day before I’m dead I will see that 14-year-old weight again! Oh yes, I will! Maybe even lower, but I’m not getting my hopes up.


Since my son was born 7 years ago I had been taking an active step to change my eating habits and exercise more. I lost about 50 lbs. all together from that initial weight. With a few steps back, but always moving forward. Since my husband has been in the Army for almost 3 years now, it has become an obsession for us both. Apparently we both have terrible metabolisms, because no matter how hard we try we never get very far. Then we get discouraged and fall back into bad habits. Last October I lost it. I was fretting over it too much, it had become a completely negative thing. I gave up. So, of course I put weight back on and now I’m upset about that too. This was New Year’s Day. I was fed up with the “healthy” life and pissed about gaining weight. There is no happy medium in my life with that, I guess there might never be.

For this shot I set up my new studio light and tripod. It took some time and felt nice to take more than a few minutes to take a shot. I’m happy with this photo. I don’t look as bad as I do in my mind, which is a good thing. Still struggling with giving a damn and not.

“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”  ~Oscar Wilde

Why start?

I posted the following on October 1st on Facebook, with many encouraging comments from family and friends in response:

“I am so tired of watching what I eat, knowing the calorie count for everything, not being able to eat what I want or how much. I am tired of following the rules, the exercise, the running on the treadmills, which I am terrified of and almost have an anxiety attack every time I get on one, for a slow, slow, slow weight loss. Then have a bad couple weeks or a bad month and all of a sudden I’m 8 pounds heavier. I’m tired of feeling guilty about eating yummy things. I’m sick of getting on the scale everyday. I’m tired of it all. I’m sick of this country being OBSESSED with weight and physical appearance. “She’s too skinny or she’s too fat.” Whatever! I can’t stand it anymore. Screw this, screw being a woman, screw this screwed up view of life. It doesn’t matter anyhow. I’m fat, I always have been fat and I don’t see any end in sight. My genetic makeup didn’t roll the dice for a small bone structure or a flat stomach. I want to be happy about myself, I don’t want to fret over it anymore. So I’m done son! F it!”

After having this breakdown I decided to start the ever popular 365 project, photographing yourself everyday for a year. Mostly as a form of therapy to help me cope with some of my body image issues. I had previously done a similar project from August 2008 through December 2010 which I dubbed A Photo a Day. It sometimes included self portraits, but was really about trying to take the best photo I could, at least one everyday. So here I go starting this massive endeavor to cope with my expanding waistline and growing number on the scale and trying to say it’s ok, whatever.